We’ve all seen “trad wife” posts on Instagram: apron-clad women nostalgic for a bygone era when a woman’s role was “in the home”. That filtered revival of 1950s domesticity conceals a stark warning: surrendering financial independence can carry a lifelong cost, especially if your marriage ends in divorce. That Instagram fantasy hits hard when a marriage ends and couples must negotiate real-world settlements. In our study of 47 UK professionals aged 50–73, we heard how decisions, often driven by emotion and information gaps, can lead to years of financial regret.
Emotional and informational trade-offs
Couples under emotional pressure often strike a “fair” 50:50 split that focuses on the family home at the expense of pensions, without realising the long-term cost. Men tend to have greater financial literacy around compound growth and pension structures, while women often prioritise the immediacy and familiarity of bricks and mortar. This knowledge division is based on the implied household contract whereby the male is the breadwinner and the female is the caregiver. Further, because women’s careers more frequently include breaks or part-time work to accommodate childbirth and caregiving, women generally experience less engagement with workplace pension schemes.
During and after divorce, many men discover the immediate strain of funding two households, mortgages, child maintenance and everyday living costs, before their uninterrupted careers and accrued pension pots cushion the blow. In general, men’s continuous full-time employment means they maintain consistent contributions and compounding returns, whereas women’s career interruptions often reduce both earnings and pension growth.
House vs pension
Since 2000, UK law has allowed courts to grant pension-sharing orders, compelling divorcing couples to share their pensions upon the request of one party. Yet, despite these rights, industry body Pensions UK’s research suggests that only about one in eight divorces includes a pension-sharing order, and an estimated 71 per cent of couples overlook pension sharing entirely.
We must increase awareness of the value of household and individual assets so that couples can rebalance their housing and pension equity as circumstances change.
Lawyers and financial advisers must also recognise that emotions drive settlement decisions as much as numbers do. Bringing psychologists or life-stage specialists into mediation can surface hidden drivers, such as guilt, fear, and haste, and ensure that advice considers both today’s needs and the needs of the empty nest and retirement years ahead.
Building breathing space
To turn these insights into meaningful change, we need systemic reforms that give people the time and support to make informed choices. We propose four key measures:
- Cooling-off period: introduce a mandatory reflection window of around 12 months before finalising settlements to allow time for comprehensive valuations and advice
- Impartial financial counselling: embed free, jargon-free advice on housing and pensions into family-law proceedings so partners grasp long-term impacts
- Phased pension sharing: explore mechanisms that let pension assets split and pay out over time, smoothing transitions and reducing the shock of lump-sum swaps
- Lifecourse perspective training: equip lawyers, mediators and financial professionals to map settlement choices across life stages, from child-rearing years to empty nest and retirement
If you’re charmed by “trad wife” nostalgia, or any revival of past roles, take this warning to heart.
Cultivate financial literacy early. Log in to your pension portal. Discuss assets openly long before any talk of “forever.” Independence isn’t just economic, it’s emotional too, empowering you to navigate life’s twists with confidence and choice.
If you’re charmed by “trad wife” nostalgia, or any revival of past roles, take this warning to heart.
Read the full study, The long shadow of divorce: lifecourse, gender and later-life work and retirement, in Ageing & Society.
Wendy Loretto is our Professor of Organisational Behaviour.
Belinda Steffan is our Chancellor's Fellow.